Become who you're afraid to be
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The JD Letter November 9, 2024 "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." - Carl Jung In How to find yourself we talked about understanding yourself and raising your consciousness level. If you did not read it, today's letter will make most sense if you review it as today's letter is its part 2. The idea in this two part letter is that by solving the problem of not having a deep understanding of who you are, you solve all other problems in your life. Otherwise your mind is in complete chaos, scattered across a thousand directions with no clear focus. I'm sure you can relate, we’ve all been there. The deeper you sink into dividing your attention, the more disoriented you become. In the past, I started many projects with all the passion in the world, only to see them fade into unfinished tasks as my energy vanished. In the past I started:
They all flopped. They all led to burnout. Not because all the ideas were bad, but because they weren't in alignment with who I am at my core. To find a meaningful goal we must cultivate a sense of purpose to guide it. Without finding a purpose you'll continue to be busy but never fulfilled. But finding that purpose isn’t an overnight revelation—it’s a journey, an evolution of self. Here's what we will cover today:
Today's letter should help but to find your purpose isn't a finite thing. You don't find it and retire your boots, you evolve and keep becoming it. Let's dive in. Three sequential ways to find your purposeWe are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin Finding your purpose is sequential like a domino effect. But you don't need to know the entire map, you just need to start. The pieces you move will compound overtime. Which brings us to Step 1) Try everythingThere is not a best way to do it. There's only your way to do it. The way that brings out your creativity and your truth. The way that aligns with who you are at your core. Your way is the only way that will last. And so I have good and bad news. Bad news first: You have to try everything. The good news: The people who are the best at their craft are those who are curious about life, read a ton of books, have many hobbies, travel the world, have many interests, and develop many skills. So while having to try everything sounds a bit disappointing, I hope it helps to know that anyone that has ever been a master at what they do have done the same. Step 2) Adopt these 5 laws
-body image -financial status -mental health Carl Jung calls this our "shadow". Because these traits don't align with our conscious self-image, we push them out of our conscious awareness. But they remain active within the unconscious mind. 2) Follow your bliss Notice when you lose track of time and what topics excite you. Pursue these interests — even if impractical. Your purpose often lies in your curiosity. 3) Face your fears We're taught to hide our feelings, fears, and insecurities because vulnerability is often seen as a weakness. Most people feel like they're not good enough. That keeps them from being truly seen. Once you know what you’re scared of, you also know what will give your life the most meaning. 4) Listen to your intuition Make it a non-negotiable to have down time in your day. Only when in moments of quiet and solitude is when you can listen to yourself and your intuition. 5) Embrace failure Once you let go of perfectionism, you create space to feel worthy of love, connection, and belonging. Step 3) Find your intersection elementsIkigai is a term you might have heard but what does it really mean? Originated from Japan, Ikigai is translated as "a reason for being." Ikigai is a way of living, a deep-rooted philosophy that guides individuals towards a fulfilling life. At its core, Ikigai is where four essential elements of life intersect: 1- What you love (think about what makes you lose track of time) 2- What you are good at (reflect about what friends and family tell you - if nothing comes to mind ask them) 3- What the world needs (think about something you'd like to see more of in the world) 4- What you can be paid for (think about what skills you can develop to be able to bundle 1,2, and 3) For example someone who loves to write and whose family and friends often tell them they bring out the best in others, may see fit to become a life coach. They combine the love for writing with the natural talent of uplifting others and write a weekly newsletter. Barriers you may encounter in your pursuit“You have to get lost before you can be found.” – Jeff Rasley If your purpose falls off of the conventional and the expected, chances are the people close to you will not understand. Some may even not be supportive at all. "Is there a stable career path?" "How are you going to make money doing this?" "Why can't you just do this as a hobby?" "What are you going to do if it doesn't work out?" These are a few questions you will be asked if your purpose falls into creative and/or entrepreneur. There will be skepticism from those around you. Your job isn’t to fold the moment you face resistance. It’s to know yourself so thoroughly that no opinion, judgment, or confrontation can shake your foundation. When you’re rooted in self-knowledge, no external force can make you question what you already know is true. 90% of the time these questions are people projecting their own fears onto you. If you know this, next time someone asks you something of the sorts, it will not affect you as much. The other thing that you should expect is the feeling of getting nowhere for months. Because you are a creative and/or entrepreneur you are no longer trading your hours for pay. Some months you will make nothing, others will make up for it, and other months you will get by. Whether you are doing it part-time or full time, this is a leap of faith you are taking and betting on yourself. If you can save some money before taking a leap it's best. Either way, the goal is to not quit. If you never leave, you will never lose.
Chasing your purpose will feel like driving your car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights allow you to, but you can make the entire trip that way. Don't let the magnitude of your ikigai paralyze you and stop you from taking action. Remember that you will die“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.” – Carl Jung I invite you to think of your contribution to the world. Once you know what it is, I want you to accept that other things in your life will fall off. When you choose to pursue something meaningful, understand that not everything can come along for the ride. Growth demands sacrifice. As you elevate, certain relationships, habits, and most importantly your old self will have to be left behind. The old you will try and resist. It will cling for comfort. But to become the person you've always wanted to be, you must be willing to let go of what you've always known. You have to trust the direction you're headed without knowing every step. Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care nurse, documented the most common regrets shared by patients in the final stages of their lives. These reflections were later published in her book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.” According to Ware, the most common regret is: #1-I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. If you’re here, reading this, you have a chance that these people don’t. You can either play it safe or go all in on who you are meant to become. Give yourself permission to step into your full self. That's it for today. Chat next week, Jess Inspire, Empower, Transform. P.S I'm helping clients on X:
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